‘These days writers don’t get to let their written words speak for themselves. Books must be promoted, which means that book writing is all about book speaking.’ ~ Laura Vanderkam
I’ll admit I tried to resist this truth for many years! In the early days, I wanted to hide in my cubby and write the books. Someone else would sell them. Yet, hearing salient quotes like this reminded me of the reasons to overcome this personal obstacle.
I have always hated public speaking. Let me amend that. I’ve hated it since the age of 12, when I first felt humiliated on stage. I had tried to sing the lead in the HMS Pinafore at my school production, while suffering a throat infection. On a prolonged high note, my voice broke. In one instant, I saw my parents’ stricken faces, and the shame set in.
At the age of 15, I joined a school production. It was being put on by the cool group, whom I wanted to befriend. Midway through our big final number, one of the girls grabbed me and swung me by my ankles around in circles. My skirt flew over my head.
My terror of public speaking had been firmly cemented into place. I’d never set foot on a stage again. Or, so I thought.
There were two times after that, when at big family occasions, I was called upon to speak. I messed up the speeches so royally, they’ve become stuff of family legend. Pulled out and retold at family parties, just to remind me that family never forgets.
Upon engaging a “life coach” a few years ago, I was encouraged to face my fear of public speaking, by doing it.
I said, ‘That isn’t going to happen, because I have a truly paralyzing fear.’
The coach said, ‘That’s just a story, okay? We all tell ourselves stories. Chris de Petty says, If you’re going to make shit up, make good shit up.’
I’ll admit I thought the “cure” was a bit harsh. Yet, apparently, this is a common approach for this type of self-conscious block and it does have good results.
In the January 2016 issue of Toastmaster, there was an interview with a former stutterer, Ken Bevers. Ken joined the McGuire Program which is for people with speech impediments. The program supported him to front up to his fear – by going to busy public places like shopping centers and introducing himself to strangers. In the years since then, Bevers has moved on to become the President of his club, and has been promoted at work to a senior position in his firm.
*Hot Tip: If you want a breakthrough in being able to speak in front of audiences, take a stand-up comedy class. Improv would help, too. Or join Toastmasters.
Despite my immense misgivings, a year ago, friend and author, Lynn Kelley, and I challenged one another to join Toastmasters.
We discovered the life-affirming act of facing down the fear of doing each speech carries with it a payoff. There’s the satisfaction of winning that small victory. This acts like confidence fertilizer.
Of course, extra confidence is helpful in any professional arena. When interviewed in the February 2016 issue of Toastmaster, singer and producer, Quinn Lemley, said, ‘During interviews I stuttered or spoke too fast. I thought Toastmasters would help – and it has!’
The reason Lynn and I joined was to build our book speaking skills.
‘This will prepare me to do lectures and speaking engagements and school visits.’ Lynn Kelley said, in a conversation we had on Facebook recently. ‘You might be asked to speak at a conference someday and Toastmasters will prepare you for that.’
Author and speaker, Laura Vanderkam, explains why the skill of public speaking is good for writers. If I want to keep writing books, I need my books to sell, and that means getting up in front of all kinds of audiences to talk about my ideas.
Toastmasters, Improv, or learning a skill like stand-up comedy can prepare us for promotional opportunities as writers. Fun ways to brush up weekly on our book speaking skills.
What about you? Are there any skills you intend to master in 2016? How do you approach your Book Speaking?
Talk to you later,
Yvette K. Carol
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In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln
Wow, after reading your story, I’m even more in awe of you tackling public speaking again! If I ever have a book out, I may try Toastmasters. 🙂 I have spoken in front of crowds before, I just don’t like it. As for what skills I want to master this year…hmmm, maybe patience?
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Gosh, you’ve picked a hard skill to master. Good luck with that! I really struggle with patience sometimes with the kids.
Hmm…on second thoughts, maybe I should join you on that one! 🙂
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LOL!
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This is such an inspiring post, Yvette! That girl who spun you around by your ankles, grrr, makes me so mad that she did that to you. I’m so glad you listened to your life coach, and I’m glad my words helped you, just as you’ve encouraged me. Overcoming our fears is a big deal, so high-five and a big honkin’ fish bump to you, Triple Threat Yvette! You’re rocking the Toastmasters speaking challenges! Whoop! Whoop!
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Hi, Lynnie, thanks for the lovely feedback. I realized I’d never told the story of where my fears started. One of the things I want to attempt some time, with a speech, is to sing a line or two from a song – so as to put that old memory of not being able to sing on stage, to rest, too. You see, with a supportive vehicle like TM behind us, we can do anything! Yeeha! 🙂
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What an inspiring post! I’ve never had the fear of public speaking. I always liked it when everyone was listening to me. (blushes) I do have a fear of going into posh shops. I was raised very poor and going into those places still makes me uncomfortable. I can afford to go in most places now, not that I would waste my money on excess, but I still feel uncomfortable. Maybe that’s an issue for my therapist……
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Hi, Sharon, thanks for the comment. The first part reminds me of something, our club’s patriarch, 97-year-old Bruce said about public speaking. “At my age, it’s just a thrill to have a room full of people listen to you!” I think I’m on the verge of feeling the same way – once the nerves subside each time.
As to “excess” I was raised by parents who had lived through the war, and we were brought up with the adage, “Waste not, want not.” 🙂
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I’m all for overcoming your fears, and public speaking is the #1 fear of most people. I’ve been doing it since I was young and typically don’t have much trepidation being in front of a group (attributed to years and years of vocal performance), but it’s the landing gigs that terrifies me. Not that I’m terrified to go after them, but you know that voice at the back of your head that whispers, “Who are you to be an expert?” Yeah, that’s a pretty loud one.
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Yes, Crystal, I know that little voice very well. A few years ago, I couldn’t even imagine writing a regular blog for that same reason, and the idea of starting a newsletter and asking people to join it? So far off the planet as to be laughable. Who was I to speak to the world? Why would anyone want to hear what I thought? I am so glad I decided to throw caution to the wind and jump in anyway. Now, I write a blog and a newsletter. I often surprise myself by boldly telling people I have a newsletter and asking would they like to join? 🙂 Is it scary? Heck, yes. That doesn’t go away. But by stretching ourselves, we grow more comfortable with being more. I heartily recommend it. 🙂
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I am going to find that newsletter and subscribe!
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All you have to do is give me your email address and I can add you manually to the sign-up list. Thank you, Clare! Welcome aboard. 🙂 I just wrote and posted the latest issue last night. (It’s fortnightly). So I can pop one off to you right away, if you like. I look forward to hearing a response at some stage. I get the greatest responses from people. It makes my day 🙂
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Great! Thanks, Yvette –
aberkshiretale@gmail.com
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Hi, Clare,
look, thanks so much for that! 🙂
I feel like such a dufus. I did get onto it straight away. I added your name this afternoon, but then I made a silly mistake. When I tried to send the Newsletter out again on it’s own, Mailchimp kept wanting to send the letter to everyone on the list. So, I went back and tried unsubscribing you from the list, thinking that I could subscribe you again with the proper format, but no. MailChimp spat the dummy. To ‘prevent spamming,’ I can’t re-enter your details. Do you, perchance, have another email address? Because I don’t think MailChimp is going to let me reload that one. I’m so sorry. Duh!
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No problem. ZuZus barn@gmail.com or aberkshiretale@gmail.com
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Fantastic. Thanks, Clare. You’re back on the list! I didn’t want the MailChimp facility to suspect it was the same person being re-uploaded, in case they blocked me again so I changed the spelling of your name slightly at my end, but as far as I know that shouldn’t affect you. 🙂 You’re in! Just to be sure, I put your email address in as ZuZusbarn@gmail.com (as you have a gap in the URL above). I hope that’s right 🙂
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Oops, mind the gap!
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Ok, got it. Thanks 🙂
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I went to the recent letter and uplifted the URL, also, so that you can take a look at it. Cheers, Clare!
http://eepurl.com/bTLmDr
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Thanks, Yvette. I’m just getting back into the stream of things, so am more aware of things I’ve missed in the past. Including this newsletter. Please tell me if there is anything else you are involved with that I’ve overlooked, so I can follow. Clare
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Awesome! Thanks for the query, Clare.
My main forms of communication and expression are my weekly blog here, my fortnightly newsletter, and I do put out the occasional video, though these have been very much your run-of-the-mill snippets, the last post I put up of my speech, ‘Fear is a Gift,’ was my strongest presentation to date.
I also put together my Author Central Page on Amazon last week: https://www.amazon.com/author/yvettecarol
These are some of my other social media links:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/yvette-carol-116a881b?trk=nav_responsive_tab_profile
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14423185.Yvette_Carol
http://www.facebook.com/yvette.carol
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC08zS1p4-H-y_xmMAuL41Eg
Cheers.
Thanks again and have a great day!
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Thanks, Yvette. Sorry I’m so far behind. I’ll check these out this weekend. You are really very busy!
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No worries, Clare. Take your time!
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I was lucky. My dad was a musician and I inherited the talent, so I performed from the time I was very young. I think starting young is the way to overcome future fear of speaking in front of people (which I’m told is the #1 fear of everyone, even surpassing dying!) But for whatever reason, as I got older, I didn’t like getting up in front of people and my mantra now is “I am no longer the adult in charge.” I do think the anxiety which builds inside prior to getting up to speak is what makes the whole thing a terror. You have lots to share and so I’m really glad you are overcoming this fear.
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Having a father who is comfortable on stage would have been a good example, too. You were so lucky, Clare. What a great start!
Thank you for the encouragement. I need it 🙂
I was talking to my adopted grandfather, the patriarch of our Toastmasters club, 97-year-old Bruce before my speech. I said, “I’m so nervous my hands are shaking.”
And he said, “Good. You need nerves before you go on. They bring your energy up to where it needs to be.”
I decided to take a leaf out of his book and view the anxiety in that way, and before I knew it, the speech was done. The nerves really had propelled me through! 🙂
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What a wise piece of advice! I’d never thought of it that way. I think the Toastmasters club is wonderful.
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Me, too. I’ve grown so much since I joined 🙂
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🎤 That is good to know because you have so much to share, Yvette.
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Thank you, Clare, for your open spirit and willingness to join me for the ride. 🙂 I appreciate you.
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Kindred Spirits!
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Yes!
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