Posts Tagged ‘Introverts’

2022 has been a fascinating rollercoaster ride so far. Three weeks ago, the middle son – Samuel – who is nineteen and has a dual diagnosis, Down syndrome, and Autism, began to exhibit certain worrying behaviours: not sleeping, not eating, talking incessantly, flicking light switches on and off, and so on. I existed on little to no sleep. The stress levels were through the roof. I sought professional help, and we ended up seeing a behavioural specialist.
We managed to link Samuel’s behaviour issues to the many changes going on in his life and a simple error on our part of not fully explaining things to him as we went along. Because Sam is non-verbal, we can sometimes forget to include him in the conversations about what is happening in our family. It is easy to overlook that he is affected by every decision we make and therefore needs things explained to him every step of the way.

Frankly, a lot of things have altered lately. Sam’s father decided he would sell his house, intending to move to the countryside. He started renovating the house, and his flatmates moved out. Sam’s younger brother (and best mate) stayed at dad’s house for three weeks, helping him to paint the exterior. All these major events were going on around Sam without his understanding. No wonder he started acting out.

We sat down, and I talked to him about the entire situation, moving house, the renovating, and so on.
The behavioural specialist said until the living setup and routine fully settle down, Sam may continue to exhibit erratic behaviours. “But you understand it now. It’s his way of controlling an uncontrollable situation. Let him do his little things and know that it will eventually pass.”

Heartened, I told various family members and my closest friends about what we had gone through around here for the last three weeks. The general reaction was shock. My sister said, “Tell me while it’s going on, next time. Why don’t you let me support you?” And my friends told me off similarly. One of my oldest buddies said to me today, “You know, it helps to talk about difficult things. That’s what friends are for.”
I hear what they are saying, and I get it. What they don’t understand is this is the way introverts deal with the big stuff. We live through it, figure out the answers (often with the help of professionals), contemplate the circumstances and what we have learned. When we have the issues resolved, we share the carefully considered results.
It doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the offers of help. We do. We do things a little differently from the majority.

According to the site Introvert, Dear, an award-winning community hub:

We introverts make up 30 -50% of the population, and most of us share these characteristics:
We’d rather stay home most nights than go out to one social event after another.
We enjoy quiet, solitary activities like reading, writing, gaming, gardening, or drawing.
We’ll usually choose the company of a few close friends over a wild party.
We do our best work alone.
Many of us will avoid small talk or other unnecessary social interactions.
We usually do our best work alone.

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And, from my personal experience, when the major events take place in our lives, we wish to sort out our business by ourselves first, before we include loved ones.
Apart from irritating my family and friends with this introverted trait, I am happy to report that the worst of the crisis is over. Samuel is sleeping and eating again. So am I. Huzzah! His father and I have made a point of talking with Sam about each new thing. There are fewer erratic behaviours and more of the son we know and love.

Currently, I’m floating in a state of utter relief and bliss. My patience has returned. I can feel my face again. Now, I want to spend time with those around me and talk.

Family and friends of introverts know this. Talking to you after rather than during a crisis does not mean we don’t need you or love you. We need to process our experiences in a private way before we share. Is that okay?
To my fellow introverts, I say: It is essential to honour your real self and what you need for bliss. The world needs more contemplative, calm people. It is fine to be an introvert and do things your way.
Let us celebrate our differences.

How do you process the big stuff? By talking it through with folks (extrovert) or talking about it after the fact (introvert)?

Talk to you later.
Keep creating!
Yvette Carol
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“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” ~ Albert Einstein

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Two Tips for Introverts on How to get an Author Headshot

We humans are a visual species. The fact is that we do “judge a book by its cover,” and I myself definitely make assumptions about people depending on their profile picture.

I’m having a new website built, to coincide with the upcoming re-launch of my novel, ‘The Or’in of Tane Mahuta.’ I felt that the time had come to update my profile picture accordingly, as the image I’m currently using is nearly five years old.

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As you climb the ladder in any profession, you want to improve the visual imagery that gets associated with your name. Have you ever noticed, that as a person becomes more rich and famous, their imagery on social media becomes more shiny and glamorous? It’s a natural progression in this day-and-age and it’s called “upping your game.”

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This week, I went along to see a friend who is a professional photographer, to update my author profile picture. This lady is an incredible, new up-and-coming talent in the photography field. But could she get a good photo of me? No.

I’m fine taking a photo of myself—a “selfie”—I’m an introvert, who could I be more comfortable with doing the shoot than me? Yet, for the professional shoot, I found that as soon as my friend raised the camera, I froze up inside completely.

No matter what I did: the deep breathing, the relaxing, the having a laugh in between, the looking away and looking back, every time I looked into the lens I tensed. I have an all-new respect for professional models!

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I should probably explain that I’m an introvert.

I realised it was the first week of the kids going back to school. In the week prior, I’d taken my boys down to visit Grandpa at the beach as well and I hadn’t had any time off for myself in a fortnight.

“Every introvert has a limit when it comes to stimulation.” HuffPost blogger Kate Bartolotta explains it well when she writes, “Think of each of us as having a cup of energy available. For introverts, most social interactions take a little out of that cup instead of filling it the way it does for extroverts. Most of us like it. We’re happy to give, and love to see you. When the cup is empty though, we need some time to refuel.”

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As soon as I saw the images come back from the shoot, and my first thought was, I look tired, I knew that the fault did not lie with the photographer, but with me. As I grow older and get to know myself more, I discover these things along the way.

I learnt a few things from flubbing this shoot. This lesson is for the other introverts out there (and friends). Here are my two top tips for nailing your author headshot.

1: Realize a professional shoot is a challenging situation for an introvert. Do some serious self-pampering with appropriate amounts of solitude in the weeks prior.

According to the book called, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Laney, Psy.D. says only about 25% of the people in the world are Introverts. Laney states that, “Introverts are people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external stimulation overdoses and drains them. So for this reason, introverts need less exposure to people, public situations, noise, social events, to gain all the information they need to be able to retreat again and process it.”

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In order to function, I have come to realize that I need to have quality time alone at intervals to recharge. I hadn’t had a break in the two weeks prior to going for my author headshot. Therefore, I was primed to fail.

I had also made the mistake of running around like a headless chicken right up until the moment I drove to the photographer’s house. Then, I expected myself to be able to relax in front of a camera. I failed, go figure!

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2: Right before the shoot, do something peaceful and calming. Give yourself adequate time in the hours prior for quiet whether it be walking, or meditating or whatever relaxes you.

In contrast, this morning, the boys have gone to stay with their father for two days, and I have had time alone. I took a selfie to go with this update. Right away, I noticed the difference in my pictures and those taken for my headshot. In my selfies, after just a few hours alone, the energy was coming back. You live and learn! My wonderful photographer friend and I are going to try a re-shoot this week, after I’ve had some R&R. She said, “Cool lessons hey!?”

Cool indeed. You live and learn.

Has anyone else experienced the same thing of freezing up in front of a camera? What’s the story behind getting your headshot?

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Keep Creating!

Talk to you later,

Yvette K. Carol

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The Zen roshi said, “Life is like getting into a boat that’s about to sail out to sea and sink.”